Fearful to Fabulous by Eckersley Fiona;

Author:Eckersley, Fiona; [Fiona Eckersley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
Published: 2020-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7

Reframe Emotions

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

There are so many emotions battling within you after the end of your relationship.

I have heard them all in varying degrees and mixed together in different ways from my clients. Boiled down, the main ones are anger, guilt, sadness, and confusion. However, there is a generous sprinkling of resentment and bitterness thrown in there, too.

What they do have in common, whatever degree you have them to, or whatever mixture you are dealing with is that they are keeping you trapped in chronic pain and a sense of numbness that is not allowing you to move on with the rest of your life.

When your energy is totally focused on these negative emotions, it blinds you to the possibilities of your present and future, and it is a sure-fire way to stay connected to the past.

Sometimes these emotions are almost the only thing that gets us up in the morning. They fuel the energy that we have to get through the day. It is all too easy to relive the worst things we feel have been done to us over and over again in order to fuel that negative emotion. Why do we do this? That anger, or sadness, or guilt, becomes a place that makes it easy to explain why things are not going the way we think they should. These totally uncomfortable and ugly emotions become our comfort zone, a security blanket that we are unwilling to let go of even though it is an awful place to be. They become our way of protecting us from something else that we think will be much worse. Usually that is the fear of what will happen next. This is what holds women back from breaking out and moving on.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” This quote has been attributed to various people, but it doesn’t matter who said it first; the principal is what matters.

When you are letting yourself go through these negative emotions every day, the only person that is feeling the pain is you. You may also be affecting the loved ones around you, like your children or your coworkers, because it is impossible to be our best selves in this state.

Not only may you be a permanent grouch to be around in this state, but it is affecting your health in very negative ways. You will have lack of sleep and lots of little aches and pains. It causes us to be careless, and accidents happen. If it goes on long enough, it can even cause serious illnesses to manifest.

Bad decisions all come from being in a negative state. When you make these, it only serves to justify your view of yourself as someone who is not able to make any decisions at all.

It would be relatively easy to see why women feel angry when the marriage ends because the spouse has cheated or left them suddenly in a difficult situation.

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